That you really want to change but you're just incapable of doing so? Than it's hightime you awoke and grabbed Vanda Mátrai's book, the Dream-catalogue! Please meet this young writer who is talking about her life, about how her short story book got born and how this book can change our lives.

Do you remember that moment when you felt you had to write?

I was about 11-12 years old when I read The Sons of the Feathery Snake and I felt it didn't have an ending, for me at least. I took a notebook and wrote an ending to it as I thought it would be right. This was my first impuls, my first memory regarding writing. I've always loved literature courses, I've written compositions to the infinite, but to be a writer and the feeling that I had a message for the people arose in about 4 years ago.

And then you started to write...

I started to write for a travel magazine two years ago, but that was another genre. I liked it a lot, I had my own heading too. But I wanted to focus on some other kind of writing, I wanted to spend more time with writing short stories if possible. But to be able to make enough time for this I had to turn entirely towards literature writing instead of articles – this took most of my spare time.

Have you ever learned how to write?

No, I haven't. I was thinking if it was necessary to graduate a writing course or not though but I haven't done this step yet. I think it's not so necessary right now. If I feel like it I'm sure I will find the right medium for the next step. 

Do you feel you've found your place in life? Are you satisfied with your life?

Yes, I am! - she says positively.

But you used to be a real searcher...

I graduated Gardening and Food Industry highschool and when the time came to step into the real world I can say I got a „little frightened”, I didn't feel prepared enough for everything out there. So I continued learning in the University, I've spent 7 years there altogether. Then I settled to a trade company as an assistant, and now I am working in marketing. I use writing a little here, as long as it's about writing a marketing text or talking to people. But it's a completely other thing than writing a book. I've always felt that I had to address people somehow. I've asked myself for a long time: Vanda, what do you want to talk about?

She goes on as she sees my questioning eyes...

This was because I'd felt empty inside, I was suffering from intense self-doubt then. It was about time to bring down my fears one after the other. One of them was to be able to speak in front of an audience, and another was to find out if there's anything inside. A break-out point was the dub actor course I'v graduated, it was surely a self-training for me. I can't forget the moment I had to sing in front of everyone, I had a huge lump in my throat. I think singing is the best way to improve your self-confidence. If one is able to stand out and sing, one's heart and body is open, it's a full connection between people. It's the best way to freedom and openness. Writing on the other hand is much more hidden. I write it down and I can decide if I want to print it or not, or if I want to publish it. Another turning point was the radio which I did for a year and a half. This was a wider openning towards manifestation, but I was still only asking questions and not telling my own opinions to people. The real open-up began in 2006 for me, this was the time I started to upload my works on a literature site. I received both positive and negative reactions, this was the firsts time I experienced how it is if people criticise my work. I then understood that if you make something it has an effect.

How do you take criticism? Does it give you strength, do you use it or you rather recess?

I used to stand for my truth until the end but now I accept criticism easier, though I'm still more of a mule – she smiles – but I'm able to compromise in many ways. I know that positive criticism helps to improve of course so I take every opinion gladly.

Tell me about the Dream-catalogue!

Dream-catalogue is a story of a spirit evolution. It's about a normal man who is living his everyday life without thinking about his 'why-s'? Most of the people start their lives this way. I did the same. I was just living my life: I went to school, I watched TV or read, but I didn't take my evolution in my own hands, I didn't give it any direction, I let myself be adrift. This young man does the same. He doesn't really feel good at work, his relationships are not so deep as they should be, but he doesn't think that all this could be othewise. One night though he starts to dream and something happens to him in this dream. He becomes able to achieve his goals, to find his mission and he begins to live according to these. He lives both his dream-life and his real-life side-by-side and when he's about to accomodate his life to this duality his dream-life suddenly ends. He ends up alone with the stress that he now knows what kind of man he could have been, how many things he could have achieved if he'd been open and confident enough for a grown-up. He has to pull this stress away in order to be able to continue with his life. The Dream-catalogue is the story of the disolvation of this stress, the sollution, it's the story of his inner path. One of the sponsors told a very felicitous thing. He said: it's a self-developing book and literature as well, because we can follow the developing through a story about what the man is changing from and what he changes into.

And what does he chang into? We will disclose it next week. Please be so kind to come next week too.

Tamara Gönczi

Translated by Réka Kovács